Climbing Like a Crazy Man

A few weeks ago I shared with my friend Beth some of my ideas, my secret musings and hopes for the future. I suppose in my voice Beth detected some doubts, but also she sensed some vision flowing from the Divine. Beth challenged me and said, “What do you need, a burning bush?”
I have been interested in the burning bush for sometime now, mostly after discovering a painting from Albert Herbert that shows a burning bush at the birth of Christ. Also, I did a brief study of the work of Minnie Evans, and Seraphine Louis and found in the works of these spiritualist artists, burning or illuminated bushes. The plants in their paintings had a scary other worldliness quality about them. They were both considered “crazy.” Even Albert Herbert wasn’t taken seriously.
Recently I have been reading some devotional lessons comparing Mt. Sinai and Mt. Zion. Sinai is where the LAW was handed down, where Moses found the burning bush. Zion is where our MERCIFUL God sits on his throne.
My niece stumbled across some of her old writings, and in a journal she found what she recorded as she hiked toward the summit of Machu Picchu. In her blog she shared her find, the memory of her experience, and her long ago journal entry recording the sensation of her climb. In her reflection she discovered that she longed to feel that way again, “Feeling terrified and persevering at the summit; your summit, not necessarily the one on the map. It was all completely unknown. More than wanting it again, I want to know it when I feel it. . . honor it and document it.”
I haven’t been sharing that fact that I lost my job at Morenci. I don’t like talking about the poop, the hassles, the grief, anger, loan deferments, fear, unemployment, or the retirement issue. I’ve been quiet. This spring and summer I have been descending down Sinai.
Lately, I have been quiet and quietly moving up a mountain pass, thinking of the possibilities of a new summit, and feeling terrified. I responded to my niece’s entry saying, “I am on the side moving UPward feeling excited, doubtful about my own strength, wondering if where I end up will be less meaningful than what I hope for. I can hear and feel the thoughts of others; psychically reading their encouragement, doubts, and jealousy of me. I keep reminding myself to block out the voices and forget the results. It's the adventure of the journey and the trying that matters.
Am I on the right path? Do I need a burning bush? Which mountain am I climbing, Sinai or Zion? There is a passage in 1Chronicles that tells of David receiving some discipline. David could choose whose hand he would suffer under, God’s or David’s enemies. David chose God, because He is merciful. I don't need a burning bush to tell me what to do. I am at a point where I want to take my chances with God, with Zion, even if I look crazy doing so.