For Arianna's birthday I made her a scrap/photo album. I wanted to give her something special that she would like always. The interior pages have Hello Kitty stickers, and little thought bubble captions I wrote. On the fabric cover I painted a picture of her from when she was one. When Jacob told her I painted it she said, "OoooooH!" She was impressed and surprised by my ability. It makes me happy because I made the book in one day.
I know it is a common complaint in our culture that time seems to be "rushing by." I always feel a constant pressure to accomplish more than I have time for. I do what I can, but I think a lot about not having the time fully develop my gifts/abilities. There are many areas in which I have deficiencies that I know I could improve given that space and time.
I have been crying this song "I need time and space" since childhood. I think this is why I love reading about people who "make the best
My process: Curiosity - enthusiasm - self-doubt - volition - effort - satisfaction mingled with doubt - doubt - resignation - joy - validation seeking - validation seeking - resignation - contentment -
Entwined is: anxiety - frustration - prayer - talking myself into focusing - planning - joy - doubt - prayer - talking myself through my doubts - trusting God - looking for and listening for God - calming - volition . . .
I am working on improving this process even though in many ways it works. I want to do better, but I want to be less critical of myself, too. My many heart breaks and disappointments fuel my criticism and my willingnes to try.
Life is full of contradictions and paradoxes.
Love fuels me too. I want to have more love fueling me. It's a cleaner burning energy.
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